"And now," cried Max, "let the wild rumpus start!"

I don’t think I have a great handle on what life is all about yet, but I know this much is true: If you have a decent vocabulary, you can get by basically unscathed, and most of the time, people are either so impressed or so perplexed by your apparent genius that they’ll put little or no effort towards figuring out what you’re actually saying. It’s entirely possible to get people to believe any mindless drivel you offer up by snaring them in your web of convoluted vernacular, then proceeding to assault them repeatedly with a complex verbal arsenal. It’s like the nerd version of…of what? Nun chucking? Though really, what’s the cool version of nun chucking? Because you know nun chucks haven’t been cool since the late 80’s… Whatever. The point is, it’s a strategy I’ve employed to great success many times over the years, and I encourage you to try it out for yourself. That’s what we do here. We try to make our readers better people. Or if we can’t make them better people, we can at least teach them to fake it to the point where their friends and family believe they’re better people. And really, isn’t that the same thing? I certainly think so.

Welcome to Destroy All Evidence.