I Always Say Yes To Quality Programming

Well, the folks at MTV have done it again! They’ve just recently added a new show to their seminal catalogue of quality programming. No, it’s not “Bam’s Unholy Union.” I’m referring to “Engaged and Underage,” a reality show that follows young couples as they stumble their way up the altar of marriage (I know, the title is so ambiguous in meaning you couldn’t decipher what the show was about without my help). I think from just the 4 episodes aired so far, I’ve already gleaned off some important life lessons that I can take into my own potential child-bride future…

• Pubic waxing is really the best way to bond with your future in-laws. Two birds with one wax strip.

• Avoid meeting with monsignors at all costs because they’re apparently wicked scary.

• Why wait until you’re 26 to get that $20,000 trust fund that will help you set the foundation for supporting your future spouse when instead you can get married now with no money and no career to speak of because you can’t wait to have sex? Give me my sex, damn it!

• If you end up living in a shack 30 feet behind the in-laws’ house and his mother can see into your bedroom from her kitchen window, just close the blinds. No biggie.

• It’s totally possible to live on turkey sandwiches for weeks. Food budget, schmood budget.

• Marriage licenses might actually cost more than the spare change, lint, and old jolly rancher in your pocket.

• It’s perfectly normal and healthy for your future mother-in-law to want to see detailed pictures of where your wedding night will take place.

• You might not be able to be independent of your parents’ money, but there’s always enough money for a Netflix subscription.

• It’s pronounced “ko-see-doh.”

• Receiving an Ultimate Cookie Cookbook is always preferable and much more useful to your marriage’s success and happiness than some old tired gift of lingerie.

• Punching a fence so hard your knuckles bleed always equals “I Love You.”


I really pull for these fools (in love) to do well in their marriages. I mean, when that 20 year old girl said “finances aren’t really his thing” about her fiancé while he stupidly grinned into the distance, I asked myself, how could that possibly fail?

The theme song:
Hellogoodbye - Oh, It Is Love