Drop It Like It's Idiotic

I’ve steered clear of FM radio for a few years now, ever since the glorious inception of the iPod, (my own proudly named iPhil). FM radio is just like that wet steak burrito at the local Alberto’s hole-in-the-wall that makes you weep in your hands all night while planted over the porcelain seat. You think it's a good idea but it quickly spirals down and you end up in a heap. Yet, with time, the memory fades until you find yourself one day thinking it would be good idea to give another one of those behemoths a go. Then all of it, the memory and indigestion, come flooding back as you’re plowing through that sucker. It’s then that you realize that not only are you in for a world of hurt in half an hour, but also that you’re an idiot and that’s all there is to it. Well, I, in my never-ending quest to continuously torture myself, thought that it would be interesting to see what music was being played ad nauseam and then trampled to death on the radio these days. What did I find? Why, classic gems with the following ground-breaking lyrics, of course:


Akon – “Don’t Matter”

“Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
Oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
We gon' fight
Fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
Cause I got you”

How tired is the “us against the world” theme in describing relationships, especially when it’s a cross between Sonny and Cher and The Beastie Boys in lyrical intelligence? Trust me, if everyone is against your relationship, you’re going to crumble like a dieter being offered a chunky peanut butter and apricot jam sandwich (those things are crazy good!). I’d stake my whole Korean stationery collection on it.




Fergie aka “The Troll” – “Glamorous”

“If you ain't got no money take yo' broke ass home
You say: If you ain't got no money take yo' broke ass home
G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yeah G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S”

Ok, I can accept this chorus. I mean, who likes poor people, right? Not me, that’s for sure. And she’s teaching the peeps to spell words. That so qualifies for community service in my book. Big up. But then she had to go and spoil the whole thing and write a few verses to accompany this fine chorus…

“We flying the first class
Up in the sky
Poppin' champagne
Livin' the life
In the fast lane
And I won’t change
By the Glamorous, oh the flossy flossy”

“I've got money in the bank
And I'd really like to thank
All the fans, I'd like to thank
Thank you really though”

Wait, I thought she didn’t want any broke asses hanging with her yet she’s thanking her guaranteed poorer fans for giving her that money? Whaa? Some of these fans need to organize and riot that charter jet.



Mims – “This Is Why I’m Hot”

“This is why I'm Hot, This is why I'm Hot
This is why, this is why, this is why I'm Hot
This is why I'm hot, This is why I'm Hot
This is why, this is why, this is why I'm Hot
I'm Hot cause I'm fly, you ain't cause you not
This is why, this is why, this is why I'm Hot
I'm Hot cause I'm fly, you ain't cause you not
This is why, this is why, this is why I'm Hot”

At the very least, you’ve got to admit that the rules of hip-hop are simple and finite. That’s admirable. Still, whenever I hear this song, it’s at this point where I want to drive off a canyon road and sail down in a blaze of glory into a steep ditch, but then I heard the first 2 lines of the next verse:

“This is why I'm hot, I ain't gotta rap
I sell a mill sayin' nothin' on a track”

I take it back. It’s all genius.