Not As Good As A Box of Gold, But Very Close

Last Friday night I went to see my friend, Steven, in a production of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat” (he was great as Potiphar, who made his money as a BC real estate mogul investing in – what else? – pyramids! So cute.). I wanted to bring him something to congratulate him on a job well done – but what? If he were a girl, I would have picked up some flowers without giving it a second thought. We gals are easy that way. Even the toughest lass likes getting flowers, and take my word for it, any girl who says she wouldn’t love a gorgeous bouquet is, well, let’s just say that it’d be in your best interest to take a few steps back, lest her nose gets so long that it causes you any kind of bodily harm. (As a side note for the fellas, you should know that no matter what kind of gal you’re dealing with, you really, really can’t go wrong with some classy blooms. You just can’t. And may I suggest roses? Any color will do, especially if you ask the florist to make it a roses-only arrangement by getting rid of the carnations, baby’s breath, and those weird ferny fillers. Timeless and swoon-worthy, I’m telling you!). Although some dudes do appreciate a nice arrangement, Steven is not a flower guy. I figured that he would tell me he liked them and thank me for bringing them and then let them sit in the backseat of his car until they developed that really awful rotting flower smell, and really, that’s more like a punishment than a present. So I decided that instead of flowers, Steven would be getting…drum roll…wait for it…a box of homemade cookies! When this thought sprang into my mind, I became that particular brand of really great, over the top, crazy excited usually reserved for children on Christmas morning. If I were a cartoon, a light bulb and a bunch of obnoxious exclamation points would have popped up over my head. And it wasn’t just one of those ideas that seem great at the time but then turn out badly either. Steven loved them, and I was so pleased with the final product that I took it as a huge personal victory. It was such a triumph that I thought I’d share my tips to creating a fantastic baked goods gift with you on this here blog. Without further ado:

• Presentation is key: As a longtime Food Network junkie, I’ve learned over the years that we eat with our eyes first. To me, that means making it a priority to keep the presentation interesting. I’ve seen this theory taken to the extreme (a recent episode of “Iron Chef America” comes to mind, in which the challenger plated his squab with its dead, fried talon clutching a clove of roasted garlic – interesting, yes, yet at the same time undeniably gross), but I like to keep things simpler by presenting them in an understated, unfettered manner. That’s why, when it came to Steven’s gift ‘o goodies, I picked up a 7X7X4 classic pink cake box and tied it shut with silver string finished off in a simple, shoelace-style bow. It had a very vintage bakery feel to it, and I loved the look of it. Additional advantages? It was easy to carry around till the end of the musical, and I didn’t have to worry about getting a plate or plastic container back.

• "No pleasure endures unseasoned by variety."*: To me, there’s nothing more boring than a whole lot of the same thing. Because of that, I made Steven three kinds of cookies. I heard through the grapevine that he was an unabashed chocolate chip cookie fanatic, so I made the traditional (and, in my opinion, best) Nestle recipe that comes printed on the back of every bag of chocolate chips. Then I decided to up the gourmet factor a little bit with Chocolate White Chocolate Chunk Cookies and Blue Ribbon Almond Roca Cookies. I picked those recipes because they seemed to me to be upscale variations on the classic chocolate chip cookie, and the results were fantastic. The Chocolate White Chocolate Chunk was yummy, and I liked how the dark dough and white chocolate pieces came across as sort of a positive/negative version of the chocolate chip cookies. As for the Almond Roca Cookies, anything I say about them would be a complete understatement. They were fantastic. Additional advantage? You get to try out multiple recipes and might come up with a winner or two like I did.

• Never neglect the card: The thing about the cookie box is, you can’t just shove it into someone’s arms. It has to come with a little love attached (so cheesy/so true). It’s just like giving someone money – you give it to them in a card instead of pushing a wad of sweaty bills into their hand. I found a great card for Steven that was totally apropos and just looked right nestled on top of the box under the bow. Additional advantage? Once the whole gift was completed and assembled, it was a thoroughly classy affair. Ron Burgundy would be proud.

So there you have it, my tips for creating a fantastic baked goods gift. Next time you’re hard pressed for a present and the traditional gifts seem trite or inappropriate, take my word for it and serve up the cookie box. Additional advantage? Make enough cookies to gift, then gift yourself with the leftovers.

*This quote is attributed to Publilius Syrus, who is most certainly dead but still deserves credit. So thanks, Pub - you’ve got a box of delicious cookies coming your way in the afterlife, friend.