Mono, Library Fights, Dodgers

My brother has mono, aka “The Kissing Disease.” I guess this isn’t such a great thing, but I can’t help but wonder if he doesn’t deserve it. He does have sort of manwhorish tendencies. I think he makes out with a lot of girls, and I’m not sure how particularly nice he is to any of them. I’m not totally convinced that karma is a real thing, but this incident is really pushing me in that direction.

When you have mono, they say you get pretty tired because it takes a lot of energy for your body to fight off the virus. What they don’t tell you is that mono makes you one nasty mother. Ever since my brother got sick, he’s been nothing but terrible to everyone he crosses. I understand that he doesn’t feel well, and sure, everyone has the right to be a bit contrary when they’re under the weather, but this is really bad. He’s like that girl with the Lyme Disease from “The Real World: Seattle.” And I’m about to be like that dude that slapped her when she was driving away in that car and then threw her teddy bear out into the bay.

He’d better watch out.


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In other news, the Dodgers are losing. I hate to say “I told you so,” but I did. I totally called it. Not that this makes me some kind of visionary or soothsayer (though incidentally, how awesome would it be to be a soothsayer? I mean, really.). I’m not insane or anything; I know I can’t see the future. I can, however, see the past, and what the past tells me is that more likely than not, even though we have a lot of season left, it’s all going to be downhill from here. Well, maybe not all downhill. There might be a steady ascension to the top of the heap, but that will only make going down that much faster and more terrifying. Through years of experience, I am, sadly, prepared for either scenario.

I still love Ned Colletti, though. And I still really hope I’m wrong.


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I was in the library one day last week and, no lie, there was almost a brawl. This moron was talking on his cell phone (ironically while standing next to a “This is a no cell phone zone” sign) and some girl did that obnoxious shushing noise in his direction. He shushed her back. And then it went down like this:

Shushing Girl: “Don’t you know you’re in a library? There’s no cell phones in the library!”
Cell Phone Man: “You’re the one that’s talking!”
SG: “I’m the one that’s telling you to shut the hell up!”
CPM: “I’ll talk on my phone if I want to! You’re the one who needs to shut the hell up!”
SG: “Shuuuuuush! Shush shush!”
CPM: “Shush yourself!”
SG: “SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH!” [Ed. Note: This was such a long shush that from now on, it will be known as “The Shush Heard ‘Round the World." Well, I’m calling it that. You can join me if you want.]
CPM: (huffily) “This is bullshit.”

And, scene.

I was caught directly in the middle of this whole thing. I kept my eyes down the whole time, partly because I wanted to crack up at the absurdity of it all, and partly because I was afraid that if I cracked up I would somehow be dragged into the fight (if you can call it that). And I would most definitely lose in a fight, because I am a wuss. So in actuality, it was a self-preservation move.

Anyway, the “fight” was over really quickly. It was like one of those canine skirmishes at the dog park. The dogs get in there, rough each other up a bit, and then back off really fast. It was like quick-fire anger. And I have to say, for how petty and ridiculous the whole situation was, I really did get a good laugh out of it (once they both were out of the vicinity, of course).

People can be so idiotic sometimes. Thank God for them, or I’d never have anything to post here.


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Hope you’re having a good week! May it be filled with your brother not having mono, your home team winning, and a total avoidance of any and all library squabbles.